Why Do They Come?

Anne Montagna, MFT

What brings people into therapy at the particular time that they come? There are as many different reasons as there are people. I invite you to meet some of the clients I have worked with in my two years as an intern at the Teen and Family Counseling Center.

Some are teenagers who enter therapy after experiencing alcohol poisoning or some of the other serious side effects of abusing alcohol. They often have few friends, are doing poorly in school, and show signs of depression.

Therapy provides an opportunity to voice and explore thoughts, feelings, needs and wants. As they look at what they gain and lose through heavy alcohol use, clients often begin to reconsider their choices and then identify and implement constructive changes in their lives. This may mean moving away from friendships built around drinking and developing new friendships where drinking is not the primary activity. School performance often improves, self-esteem increases and depression often lifts.

Adults may come because of distress related to lifelong or recent conflicts with family members. Expressing anger and hurt makes it possible for them to become less focused on these conflicts. As they learn conflict resolution and communication skills, new options for relating to these family members open up.

Some clients come because they have experienced trauma, such as being raped, abused, or being in some sort of serious accident. After this type of experience, people often become more fearful, and may be depressed and even suicidal. As they begin to express their thoughts, feelings and fears, and to develop a support network, their distress often decreases. Learning that their responses and reactions are normal for someone who has been so traumatized can allow clients to begin developing coping skills and ways to nurture themselves.

Teenaged boys, some of whom dress in black with chains and spikes, or teenaged girls, who may have wildly colored hair, multiple piercings and heavy makeup, come for a variety of reasons. What they often have in common is that they may be depressed, lonely, doing poorly in school, and may be on probation. Many come from very difficult family situations. They may be uncomfortable just sitting and talking, and it may help to be able to draw or make things out of clay as they begin to talk in session about what their lives are like. Gradually, they speak more freely and, even more gradually, may begin to change, perhaps starting to wear other colors and to stop wearing the spikes or the heavy makeup. Attendance and participation at school may improve and self-esteem may increase as they begin to feel understood and supported. They may clarify their goals and develop constructive strategies for achieving them.

Families may come because the level of conflict, frustration and discouragement has become too painful. Frequently, they have reached a point where almost any interaction turns into an argument. The work often involves learning listening and communication skills as well as developing anger management and conflict resolution tools These make it possible to identify new options and solutions and to begin healing the pain.

While each client is unique in terms of their history and their particular concerns, they all share a need to feel safe enough to express their thoughts and feelings so that they can work through their issues. Our clients come, as individuals, couples and families, because they are in pain and hope to find a way to ease their distress. In its on-campus counseling program at local schools and in its clinic, the Teen and Family Counseling Center meets this need.

Back to Article List